Recently I’ve been thinking hard about my current situation, my career, and my place in the world. I’ve wondered about the future and tried desperately to picture what my life will be like in a few years. I’m evaluating my goals while simultaneously taking a good look in the mirror. In doing so I’m realizing so much about who I thought I wanted to be and who I’ve become.
I wanted to be an Influencer; a Toronto blogger attending events, reviewing products, networking, and sharing my adventures. I looked up to my mentors shamelessly and tried to follow in their footsteps. I tried to BE them. There is one pixie-sized blogger in particular who I tried to emulate. My voice began to sound like hers, my blog even started to look like hers. The problem there is that I stopped living my own life, I stopped focusing on my own goals, and I wasn’t being authentic to who I am.
I made my way into the blogging world little by little but never gained the status that I craved. The truth is I will never get to that status because it’s not what I really want, nor does it work with my lifestyle. My ultimate goal is write a novel and with all of the time I spent on Twitter and social media, trying to be something I’m not, I could have written a novel two times over. I think it’s time to leave the Influence/Toronto Blogger game to the pros and focus on my current status, my career, and my writing dreams.
In a world full of constant noise it is so easy to lose sight of what you want and who you are. I have a crazy amount of respect for every blogger and influencer that I follow on social media. It takes a huge amount of gusto to be online all day, every single day, and still hold onto who you are. My Pen, My Voice wouldn’t have existed in its form without these influencers, nor would any of the opportunities I gained in those five years have been possible without them.
This doesn’t mean the end or goodbye when it comes to my blogging. It simply means that I’ll be harnessing my voice once again and going back to my roots. The goal is to stay true to both.