Yo-yoing into the New Year

Last week I decided to try out my new year’s resolution a bit early; I logged out of Twitter and Instagram (I don’t have Snapchat or Facebook) and deleted the apps from my phone. I’m not sure what I thought would happen but I surely wasn’t expecting to feel so…bored. Yes, bored. I didn’t feel left out or anxious, I felt bored.

Hour after hour I looked at my phone and thought what is the point of this thing if I can’t log into Twitter or Instagram? Other than social media, banking, and music I very rarely use my phone. Yes, there’s the random iMessage or group chat and a few phone calls from my mother or husband but that’s it. My phone is a social media hub, without those apps I didn’t feel the need to keep my phone on me.

There were moments before bed or while lounging on the couch when I read. I sat there by the fire and while my dad flipped through channels I simply read (I just finished reading Sweetbitter and LOVED it). I didn’t look at my phone because there was nothing to look at. I read without interruption, with a delicious sense of calm. It was magical.

When it comes to family, work, and my husband, whenever I say I’m going to do something I do it. There is no yo-yoing or second guessing. I tend it get all bent out of shape over these menial things that don’t matter. These decisions I rush to make because I feel like I have to just do SOMETHING. It is always these decisions that give me instant regret.

There were moments during my social media detox where I truly missed my phone (#millenialprobs), where I wanted to see what was going on or share a thought or a photo. So I texted a friend to ask if I was completely horrible for not going through with my resolution even before the new year started. Could I take it back? Would I look stupid? What is this yo-yoing I’m doing?  I only lasted 19 hours without it!!!  What if I apply for jobs that require social media?  etc. etc. etc.

For over an hour my lovely friend, Alanna dazzled me with advice and honesty. She answered my every question, stunted my every concern, and helped me look at this (and many other) situations in a new light.

Oh don’t have regrets. They’re a waste of fucking time! You do what you think will work in the moment; you try new things. That’s great! You’re not a quitter. You’re an experimenter. You tried something. It doesn’t work for you – AND THAT’S OKAY.

So instead of making myself crazy or sulking into 2017 like an lost puppy; I’m going to own the fact that I decided not to pursue a resolution even before the new year started. Maybe this is the year where I don’t pretend to have a resolution that I won’t keep. Maybe 2017 is the year of real, raw, and not giving too many fucks about things that don’t matter.

Regretlessly yours,

Vanessa xo

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