Call me crazy but taking a break from blogging was the best thing I’ve done this year. Since taking a break I’ve finished a manuscript (and then chucked it out the window), began outlining a completely new project (a NOVEL), submitted essays to a few online magazines (SHE DOES THE CITY PUBLISHED ONE about me hating everyone and everything while wedding planning), spent more time wandering around Toronto, and developed a confidence rooted in the acceptance of failure.
I owe my new-found motivation to all of the mistakes and shortcomings I’ve experienced in the last few years. I owe it to the like-minded and goal-oriented people I’ve surrounded myself with. I owe it to notebooks with powerful sentiments scribbled on their covers. I owe it to sleeping in and going out.
Most importantly I owe it to myself to use this motivation and allow it to spring me forward.
When family and friends ask me how married life is going, I stand there with a blank look on my face or stare at my phone with a million thoughts running through my head. Most of these thoughts are works of fiction filled with lust, drama, and romance.
How’s married life? they ask
Oh it’s wonderful! He’s more kind and caring than he’s ever been. He literally cannot keep his hands off me and sends me dirty text messages and brings home bouquets of roses. Only a few months into our marriage and we’ve filled our days with adventure, wine, and music that inspires us to dance. He spins me around and leaves me breathless.
How’s married life? they ask
Well, it’s nothing like I imagined. It’s like the magician has disappeared and I’m left standing in a reality that I don’t recognize. We’ve let ourselves go and all bets are off. We’re far more gross and weird than we’ve let on and it’s beginning to wear us thin. We don’t go more than a few hours without seeing each other and are constantly getting on each other’s nerves.
How’s married life? they ask
It’s like having a second full-time job. It’s a lot of work and the work has only just begun. We’re learning how to live together and still stay sane. Some days we want to strangle one another while other days we don’t want to be around anyone else. The hardest part in mixing our two lives into one.
Of course I don’t say any of this out loud. I allow these little stories to flutter around in my head because they seem far more interesting than the current status of my reality. How’s married life? The truth is it’s comfortable. Not much has changed from us dating to us being husband and wife. We have the same arguments, enjoy the same moments, and as much as I wish he was suddenly more weird and gross so I would have something to write about, he isn’t.
How’s married life? It’s wonderful and silly and fun and infuriating and a work-in-progress. What’s married life? It’s different for every couple so it’s difficult to explain. For us, it’s sweat and farts and morning-breath and smiles and laughter. It’s planning for the future and figuring things out together. It’s comfort and boredom and rare moments where I still find butterflies in fluttering around in my stomach.
We did it! We travelled a 1.5 year-long road jumping over arguments, dodging (and even embracing) tears, and pausing at crossroads until we reached destination “I DO”.
November 11, 2016 was exactly how I hoped it would be; calm, relaxing, and fun. Since we had the ceremony and reception in the same location (The Hazleton Manor) the day was super easy. Hair at 9 AM (many thanks to Chroma Hair Design), make up at 11 AM, a few mimosa to calm the nerves, and it was time for the ceremony.
The rest of the day was like a dream. I immediately began to tear up as I walked down the aisle with my parents to the music stylings of Out of the Blue. Seeing the smile on Alex’s face and watching his legs shake nervously filled me with excitement and joy. The ceremony itself was quick, fun, and completely US – it did help that we got to choose all of the readings and write out own vows. The hall was decorated to perfection (thanks to my mom and mostly Paradise Floral Studio), the music was on point, the food was utterly delicious, and the drinks overflowing. Everyone embraced us with a warm hug and a smile. The entire hall was filled with love, hope, and happiness – I could feel it oozing from our guests.
Yes, there were things that didn’t go exactly as planned; I was grooving on the dance floor when the back of my dress popped open. It may have fit like I glove in the morning but after dancing, sweating, and eating, I could barely breathe!!!! All in all, the wedding was everything I hoped it would be and so much more. Thanks to our family and close friends, we made memories that will last a lifetime.
Thank you to everyone who attended the wedding and everyone on social media who wished us well. Here’s to a new chapter as Mr. & Mrs. Buccella ❤
I’ve been told many times that I need to slow down. Whether it comes to texting, tweeting, writing, reading, captioning, getting orders out, or simply making decisions, I tend to rush. I feel the need to get things finished quickly so that I can move onto something else; I am beginning to understand that faster doesn’t always mean better.
I have two methods when it comes to decision-making:
1) I think endlessly about the decision. I weigh out the pros and cons either on paper or in my head. I ask myself questions like: How will this affect me emotionally? physically? mentally? financially? Will this decision improve my life? will it burden anyone?
2) I go with my gut: I want. I like. I buy/do.
I can’t tell you which one is better since I’ve been burned by both. With number one I’ve lost out on loads of opportunities because I took too long to commit, or I thought about it so much that I ended up more confused than when I started. With number two I’ve had numerous cases of buyers remorse, regret, and guilt. When I self-published my books, I had certain dates in mind and refused to not meet my goals. As such, my cousins (aka my only fans) found several spelling or format issues, which I kicked myself in the ass for later. If I had given it a few more months maybe the books would have been closer to perfection.
It would make sense to find a method that is somewhere in between but I can’t seem to find that balance. Is there a speed between fast and slow? Maybe this isn’t really about how quickly or slowly decisions are made but more about trust. The trust a person must have in themselves. The kind of trust that builds confidence and assertiveness. Maybe that’s what I need more of.