In September 2022, before my first trip to Lisbon and Madeira, I deactivated my Instagram account. I kept my data off and used my phone as a camera, opening up time and the mental space required to enjoy my trip. My husband noticed that I was relaxed, happy, focused, and present but I wasn’t sure if it was because I was in Europe or because I was finally free from my phone. I kept my account deactivated for an entire month to test it out.

I read and wrote more that month than I had the entire year. I felt lighter, blissfully unaware as if my world had gotten quieter and brighter. I know a lot of people can use social media in the way it’s meant to be used, as a tool. They don’t feel FOMO or compare themselves to others, it doesn’t add a layer of anxiety into their life, and they’re able to have the apps on their phone without feeling compelled to open them. I am not one of those people and a break from Instagram was something I needed. 

In September 2023 I did the same thing, I deactivated Instagram just before my next trip and even took significant breaks throughout the year. I credit those breaks to finishing my novel One More Truth (now querying, contact me if you’re an agent interested in a novel inspired by my trips to Portugal and Fado music :P).

Every time I reactivate my account, I do so with a new-found gusto. Posting reels, stories, and photos to tell the 150 people who follow me that I still exist. I promise myself that this time I will use the platform as a way to promote my writing, gain a decent following, and attract an agent. That thought often lasts only a few days before I get caught up in doom-scrolling. Whether it’s in the elevator, sitting in the car before work, waiting in line, or even as I’m watching a show, I use Instagram to waste time and distract myself.

I get overwhelmed by the idea of making content and end up scrolling instead. I get caught up in views, followers, and reach because I’ve been told that you NEED a brand and a following to get an agent. For me, it all amounts to nothing: no words, no manuscript, and nothing to query.

I remember when social media wasn’t accessible on my phone. Time was spent writing in my notebook and reading books. Now, my brain can’t focus for long periods, it needs a hit of dopamine-fuelled screen time every 10-15 minutes. It’s as though I always need to be doing something that others can verify (liking a post, watching a story, or posting something of my own). Even my memory isn’t as sharp as it once was, glitching from overstimulation.

September crept up quickly this year and I’m looking forward to my Instagram break. I’m excited to start outlining my next novel, reading more books, following up with agents, spending quality time with people, and giving my brain a break. 

Everything feels different in September, a mix of cozy, comforting, fresh, and new. It feels like anything can happen this month, if I’m brave enough to work for it. 

xo Vanessa

*Previously posted on Substack AUG 30, 2024*