I always have trouble writing when I’m on vacation. Among other things, my brain, pen, and creativity get constipated. I’m bloated from taking in as much as I can with little to no escape. My thoughts and feelings are gassed up, ready to blow but the second I pick up my pen they disappear. 

Away from my natural habitat, I think a lot about my life and what I want it to look like. I might be a terrible traveller but I know that I want to see more of the world. I know that I enjoy some sort of a schedule even on vacation, but I love the freedom of being the master of my own time. I know that I don’t love insane heat but as long as I can find some decent coffee and shade, I’m happy. I know I want more words and creativity in my life – and the mental space to actually write. I know that I love being off social media but I also need to learn to use it as a tool to connect with writers and agents alike. 

On this particular trip I’ve also noticed more than just creative constipation. I’ve noticed signs of aging (why is the lighting in hotel bathrooms so intense?). The one or two cute grey hairs I had are now reminiscent of the Swiss Alps covered in snow. I didn’t think it would bother me but I’ve been obsessing about them for over a month. Not because there’s anything wrong with going grey or aging, I just didn’t realize how quickly time is going by. I didn’t realize how much can change when you’re just going through the motions. That realization has me spiraling. 

They say that you should live in the moment, but I’m always stuck in my head. 

xo Vanessa

*Previously posted on Substack OCT 4, 2024*